It Was Worth It

Cassie received her black belt last Saturday and things have almost returned to normal around here.  I recently spent time with the parents of several of Cassie's friends.  While full of congratulations for Cassie's efforts, they questioned the amount of time invested in the black belt.  Of course, I've asked myself that a number of times.  And, now that the frenzy is over, I've had time to reflect on the whole process.  Of course, the first question that came to mind was, "Was it worth it?"  And then, "What did Cassie take away from this?  Now that she has her black belt, will she be different somehow?  Would I be willing to go through all this again with Lacey?"

Well, in terms of the pride that Cassie feels, it was worth it.  Below is a photo that was taken by Magic Bob minutes after Cassie's black belt was tied on her.  You can see the quiet pride in her face as she admires her belt.

But, what did Cassie really gain from the black belt odyssey?  Cassie is not good at following through.  She is hyper creative and always coming up with new ideas.  When she's on fire with a new project, she throws herself completely into it, neglecting essential things that need to get done and leaving ongoing projects in her wake.  I don't blame her entirely.  I consider this a genetic flaw.  But, she's been working for her black belt for over 2.5 years.  And, during the last few months, she practiced and exercised 7 days a week.  So, she learned perseverance and commitment.

As part of the process, Cassie was required to record 100 Acts of Kindness and 100 Acts of Self Control.  We began discussing these items as a family every night at the dinner table.  When Cassie struggled to define an act of kindness, Lacey would chime in, describing something that Cassie had done for her that day.  Most of the acts of kindness, therefore, highlighted Cassie as a big sister.  The acts of self control were difficult simply because Cassie has always over-regulated herself.  Exercising self control is not a challenge for her.  We spent time identifying acts of self control - not talking during class; doing homework before watching TV; picking up after oneself.  Lacey listened carefully and started to give her own examples of self control.  This was a triumph for us as self control is not Lacey's greatest strength.  So documenting self control  served to help Lacey.

Taekwondo is also supposed to teach responsibility.  Well, that seems to have happened.  10 days ago the girls had a day off from school.  Cassie volunteered to watch Lacey and did a phenomenal job.  My only instructions were that they pass the day with a minimal amount of arguing.  On that day, Cassie texted me at 7:30 a.m. to inform me that she was up, drinking chai and writing in her journal.  At 9:00 a.m. she notified me that she had fixed breakfast and they were both doing their homework.  It just got better.  When I arrived home from work, Lacey showed me the menu that Cassie had typed for their luncheon party.  After their luncheon, Cassie had done the dishes, washed the kitchen counters and vacuumed the floor.  She had practiced her violin while Lacey read.  And, Lacey rejoiced, they hadn't argued once.  What a spectacular day.  Les and I didn't know whether to attribute the success to good parenting or the whole black belt thing.  But then I guess the black belt is part of parenting.   

A couple days later, Lacey volunteered to clean my car.  She removed all the trash and vacuumed the seats and floors.  She even took out the floor mats before she vacuumed.  Could her behavior have been influenced by Cassie? 

Over the weekend, the girls asked if I would take them to the track to jog.  I was happy to oblige as I realized....doing 9600 kicks, a gazillion knee highs,  and jogging regularly with Cassie was good for me!

After mulling all this over, I decided that the whole family had gained from the black belt journey.  Maybe working toward a black belt would be good for Lacey too.  She tends to rush through everything, both at home and at school.  She still doesn't understand that being the fastest isn't necessarily the best.  Watching Cassie's progress over the last couple years has helped Lacey to appreciate the value of hard work.  When I asked her if she was interested in getting a black belt she answered, "No way!  That's too much work!"  I guess I'll try again in another year.