The New Eye

Yesterday, Lacey finally got her "new eye."  The artificial eye field is so specialized that it took us over six months to schedule the necessary series of appointments.  And, frankly, we were not overly anxious to take this step with Lacey.  She has been wonderfully unaware of her appearance.  Although some of her classmates have been curious, nobody has deliberately tried to hurt Lacey's feelings.  She informed one little friend that her eye got hurt from watching too much TV!  We know that as Lacey grows up, the cosmetic part will become more important to her.  Les and I have also begun noticing that adults lower their expectations because they believe that Lacey is disabled.  We want her to have the same challenges and opportunities that all other kids get.  For us, this outweighs the cosmetics.  There was still a little doubt.  Would looking like everyone else make Lacey lose her fighting spirit? 

We met the specialist who, incredibly, has an adopted daughter with the same birth defect.  He took a lot of time getting to know Lacey and showing her pictures of other young patients.  He told her about a female patient who has been blind in one eye since birth, who is a commercial pilot.  All this was very reassuring to us. 

We reminded Lacey over and over that while the new eye would look like her "good eye,"  she would never be able to see out of this eye.  Lacey kept saying that she understood.  But, when the doctor reminded her that the eye was only for looks, she cried.  So, we talked again about how the new eye would look and asked if that was what she wanted.  Lacey said that a child at camp last week had told her she looked ugly.  She said she was getting tired of kids' questions and was ready for a new eye.  

Surprisingly, Cassie was reluctant.  She said that she doesn't even notice Lacey's eye and couldn't imagine her any differently.  I explained very honestly that I'm tired of the rude looks adults give and the condescending way some people treat her.  

Saturday was Lacey's first dance recital.  After it was over, we asked her how she liked it.  With a huge grin she replied, "Well, it will be a lot easier next year with my new eye.  I'll be able to see a lot better!"  Uh oh.  The next morning, I explained that nobody is born perfect.  I showed her my finger that won't straighten and the surgical scar from the attempt to fix it.  We talked about Cassie's asthma and allergies, and Les' need to wear glasses.  Lacey nodded her understanding and ran off to play.  

That night at dinner Lacey suddenly asked, "What's wrong with Uncle Dave?" 

"Uh, what do you mean?" I stammered.  

"You know, Mommy.  You said that everybody has something wrong with them."

"Oh."  I breathed a sign of relief.  "Well, we will be at Uncle Dave's house in a few days. I think that would be a great question to ask him in person."  

Yesterday, Lacey received her eye.  It is made of lightweight resin and is like a shell that fits over her eye.  She immediately covered her good eye, just to see if there was anything magical.   Then she looked in the mirror and shrugged.  We suggested she look again, which she did.  She shrugged again and then became interested in playing with the footrest on the chair.  The doctor explained that after a couple days of acclimation, Lacey could wear the eye full-time.

 On the way home, we stopped at Kohls.  I was helping Cassie pick out some shorts when I heard an unmistakeable bouncing sound followed by an "Uh oh!"  Yes, Lacey had managed to pop the eye out.  It skittered under a wooden display counter that had about an inch clearance. So, we were all on our stomachs, fishing out the eye.  The doctor had recommended that I carry a little plastic container in my purse, just for times like this.  Phew.  

I had been promising to take the girls to a movie for months.  I thought that maybe watching a movie on the big screen would be so engaging that it would take Lacey's mind off of her eye and help her adjust a little. "You better take a flashlight!" Les helpfully suggested.  Watching Lacey rub at her eye during the movie, I began wondering who this was really for.  I told Les that maybe we needed to let Lacey call the shots.  We let her look at photos of herself with the new eye and asked what she thought.  She said she doesn't really care how she looks but she does like that her eyes are the same.  

This morning, Lacey announced that she was going to put her eye in by herself because she wanted our hairdresser to see it.  She almost succeeded.  I got it in on the first try.  And, in case you're wondering, it's really not that weird.  Everybody has some imperfection.  Some of us wear glasses or contacts.  Some of us need a hearing aid.  Some of us walk with canes. This is just a little less common. 

While I was getting my hair cut, I gave the girls change to get some sodas.  This turned out to be a less than bright idea.  Seated together, they were trying to see how fast they could make the stylist's chair turn.  "Not with open soda," I yelled over the hair dryer.  Then, I noticed that Cassie had both bottle tops stuck in her eyes.   Oh, great!  Suddenly, one bottle cap went skidding across the floor as Cassie yelled, "Oh, no!!  My eye!!"  Both girls collapsed in uncontrollable giggles and I realized that we had made it over this hurdle.