Our Family: Get in Line

What is it about visiting a theme park that makes people turn into savage beasts, clawing their way to the front of a line, pushing small children out of the way to get a better view, using strollers and wheelchairs to knock down anyone who gets in their way, and otherwise being obnoxious? Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's the cost of the theme park tickets that makes people act so extreme. Whatever the cause, the behaviors make me want to head for home.

We arrived in Orlando Monday afternoon. Of course, Les and I had developed a plan to maximize our time here. We checked into the resort, unloaded the car, and headed for Downtown Disney. We spent a few hours there enjoying the sights and sounds, having dinner, indulging the kids with a couple souvenirs, and acclimating to the crowds. We reminded ourselves that this was nothing compared to the 23 million people in Shanghai. We could handle a Disney crowd!

Tuesday morning, we attended the resort’s mandatory sales presentation. We kindly explained that this wasn’t the right time for us to buy, and thanked them for the five-day stay. We had a poolside lunch back at the resort and headed for the Magic Kingdom. Based on past experience, we thought that if we arrived after the 3 p.m. parade, many families would be leaving and the park would be emptier. Apparently, everyone else had the same idea. We first got in line to pay the $14 at the toll plaza. Next, we followed a line of cars being ushered into parking spaces. From there, we followed a growing crowd of people who were actually walking toward the park. Yes, the kindly dude in the parking lot who kept wishing us a “Magical afternoon,” told us we had actually parked close enough to walk to the park’s entrance and avoid waiting in line to ride the people mover golf carts. Imagine that! Our next step was to get on board the Disney metro rail. We were even lucky enough to find seats. But, the train wasn’t moving. Another train had broken down and was being moved off the tracks. There were three trains stuck in front of us. “Relax,” I told Les. “Remember Shanghai. This is easier.” "Relax," I told the girls. "Remember, we are at the Magic Kingdom." Meanwhile, Lacey was repeatedly asking when we were going to see the princesses.

After a brief delay, we entered the actual park. Our first stop was to get in line at a souvenir shop to buy sunscreen. The five bottles we already owned were in the hotel room. To Lacey’s delight, we found the castle. However, we couldn’t get her to understand that we weren't going to go inside to meet the princesses. From there, we headed to Adventureland to ride some water ride the girls had investigated. The waiting time for the ride was only 80 minutes. And, if we registered our park passes for the new FASTPASS, no-waiting-in-line-necessary feature, we could return to the ride at 9:00 p.m.!! So, we climbed up to see the Swiss Family Robinson tree house. At least that line was moving. We then waited in line to buy some water. We finally made it through a shorter line and actually got on a ride. Our next stop was to get in another line to buy water spray bottles for the kids. Meanwhile, the throngs of people continued to grow, along with an almost manic sense of urgency. I began to wonder what everyone thought would happen if they didn't see absolutely everything that the Magic Kingdom has to offer.

To escape the impending storm, we saw the 3D movie. We then stood inside a tiny gift store, with about 500 other people, waiting for the storm to pass. Our ponchos had been forgotten in the car. We got in line to ride Small World. After about 20 minutes, we got out of line to take Lacey to the bathroom. We got in line again at Small World and after about 20 minutes, the ride was closed because of technical difficulties. A major portion of Fantasyland was walled off for renovations. This included the tent where the princesses used to stand and pose for photos with children. There was no other designated site for meeting princesses. To escape the next wave of rain, we grabbed some dinner. After dinner, we successfully rode Small World. By then, it was time to scramble to find a place to view the evening parade. The parade was lovely, but disappointing for Lacey because of the scarceness of princesses. “Where’s the yellow princess and why does Snow White have to walk?” We walked down “Main Street” in the general direction of the exit. There were thousands of people jammed down the entire street, revving up to see the fireworks over the castle. Some were trying to peer between tree branches. Some were squatting to see between peoples’ legs. Many were stepping on children. We agreed that it simply wasn’t worth this. We boarded the ferry to ride back to the parking lot. And, guess what? We had the most spectacular view of the fireworks from the water.