Memorial Day

 For the past few years, Cassie and I have been working on a "Secret Garden."  This weekend, Cassie asked if we could get some stepping stones for the garden.  That part of the yard has poor soil and very little grass.  Stepping stones would be a nice addition.  And, Les has been meaning to fix the leaky faucet in the kitchen for some time now and needed to pick up some parts. So, Sunday afternoon found us, along with half the other families in the county, in the gardening center at the hardware store.

We browsed up and down the rows of decorative stones and pavers.  We studied the wall displays.  We picked up some stones and set them out on the floor, trying to envision how they would look.  We tried to determine how far apart the stones needed to be and how many we should buy.  Les was happy with the gray squares.  Cassie shook her head.  He pointed to the brick colored rectangles, the tan squares, the gray rectangles.  Cassie shook her head and explained that she had something less symmetrical in mind.  Lacey sighed and sat down on the floor.  Cassie finally settled on two different stones that have irregular shapes.  Les pointed out the variety of colors these stones come in. Cassie then explained that gray was probably best as she planned to paint the stones.  You know Les' eyes got rolling with that.  I gave him the look that means, "We're all tired, let's talk about it later," and we loaded up our cart and headed for home.

This morning, Les got up early to work on the sink and Cassie and I got up early to beat the heat.  Our garden needs a lot of work.  We decided to start by edging the berry bed with the bricks that Les bought two years ago.  I showed Cassie how to measure carefully and set in four corner stakes.  Then, I showed her how to tie string to the stakes to make a straight line.  "Why are we doing all this?" Cassie asked.  "Well," I replied, "My Dad taught me that if you're going to do a job, you have to do it right. He's the one that taught me how to make a straight line like this."  

I sent Cassie to check on Les' progress.  She came back and said, "I couldn't understand what Daddy said because he had a flashlight in his mouth."  "Well," I thought, "You're probably better off not knowing what he said."

We began digging a trench.  Because of all the quartz, I had to use the pick ax to break the ground.  I showed Cassie how to use the hoe, to make a nice straight line next to the string.  "This is cool!" she said.  "How did you learn to use a hoe like this?"  "My Dad taught me," I replied.  

We took a break and I sent Cassie again to check on Les.  She came back and reported that Daddy was now searching the Internet for instructions on how to fix the faucet.  Meanwhile, Lacey somehow managed to sleep through the noise.    

Finally, we were ready to place the bricks.  First, though, I had to get a level.  As we placed the first brick, I showed Cassie how to set the level on top of the brick and then adjust until the bubble was in the middle.  "Wow!" she exclaimed.  "Let me guess, Opa taught you how to do this too."  Then she said, "Mommy, do  you really want to know why I want to paint the stepping stones?  I want to make a memorial garden for Opa."  "What a fabulous idea," I told her.   

Cassie with the hoe

Cassie's stepping stones

We did it!

Lateness and Letters

I just mailed my Mom's Mother's Day card last night.  Many of you know that I am habitually late mailing letters and packages.  And, I'm sure that some of you find this lateness annoying.  My Mom understands why I frequently mail things late.  She also understands that the longer things linger in my kitchen, the more love they accumulate.


Here's a not-so-brief explanation of why the card was so late.  We had the card well in advance.  But when I went to mail it, I realized that after the girls had signed it, Cassie had embellished the envelope with a 3 by 5 inch "Oma."  There was no space left to write the address.  Since I was going to have to purchase another envelope, I decided to wait until the girls' school pictures arrived.  In the interim, someone's sticky fingers managed to get some kind of sticky beverage on the envelope.  The pictures reached our house and I tried to schedule a time to purchase a new envelope and mail the card.  A couple small obstacles were in my path.  First, I am a little short on energy.  When I saw my doctor last week, she informed me that my body currently has about half the volume of blood that it should have.  The reason I'm sharing this small fact with you is that I'm convinced I'm on the verge of making it into "The Guinness Book of World Records," for being the only person on the planet who can function with such a limited amount of blood.  And, when I'm listed in the esteemed book, I'm going to sell autographed copies on eBay.  Then, you can say you knew me when!


The second, and more significant hurdle was finding adequate time to visit the fax & mail place down the road. This small, family-owned establishment has played a huge role in our lives.  The business is run by the parents, their two daughters, and "Tony," who fills in when the kids are in school and Mom and Dad are tending their other shop.  For over three years, these wonderful people handled the mountain of adoption-related papers that we had to fax and mail.  They discounted our charges, saying that this was their contribution to the adoption.  They made phone calls to verify addresses and to ensure that the paperwork with extremely short deadlines would all arrive on time.  Tony frequently dipped into his own pocket to help me with the expenses.  When my Dad was sick, Tony paid for overnight shipping of my Father's Day gift, to ensure that it arrived as quickly as possible. He did this without even telling me.  When we received our referral for Lacey, the fax & mail folks were among the first to see her picture.  And, after Lacey arrived, we had to take photos of the four girls together.  I think you're starting to understand why mailing a package is not a casual stop for me.


Today I dropped Cassie off at ballet class amd finally went to mail my Mom's card.  Before I could seal the envelope, I had to show the girls' photos to Tony.  I then had to update him on Lacey's progress and the girls' grades.  We moved on to discuss his young adult daughter and her summer job.  After that, we covered marriage, divorce, religion and public education.  We were just delving into the topic of domestic adoption when other customers arrived.  Tony apologized for having to return to work.  I told him that was okay because Cassie's dance class only lasts for an hour!  As I left, Tony was printing a mailing label for the envelope.  He has memorized my Mom's name and knows where to find her address in the computer.  I promised Tony that I'd return soon and that I'd bring the girls next time.


My Mom's card is on its way.  And, so ends the story of the love and care that went into mailing it.

Control

When Cassie first approached me about starting her own blog, I told her that I'd think about it and get back to her. A week went by and Les and I engaged in several after-the-kids-are-in-bed, parents only discussions.  We decided that, as long as she follows our rules, she deserves a chance to express her opinion.  Cassie happily agreed to the following rules:  She can't mention the names of any children outside our immediate family or inlcude identifying information; she can't say anything that is deliberately hurful; and she still is not allowed to have unsupervised internet access. 

Cassie has read and reread "Harriet the Spy," and seen both versions of the movie.  She is well aware of the consequences of "yellow journalism."  She is, however, just 10 years old.  So, I do have some concern.  Here are the benefits that I see from this project.  First, blogging will help her spelling (hopefully!).  It will also help reinforce the steps of the writing process - edit before publishing!  And, she will now have a venue for her angst, other than her mother.

Yes, I'm reluctant to give up control.  Several years ago, when she was unhappy with the school playground equipment and wanted to organize a student protest, we said, "NO."  Last fall, when she wanted to write a letter of protest to the principal about the ban on "Silly Bands" at school, we again said, "NO."  But, I also want Cassie to have a chance to spread her wings and learn to grow responsibly.  I'm happy she realizes that in our country she has a voice.  And, I'm anxious to see how she will exercise this privilege.

Just for a Day

Without a doubt, the highlight of the past week was Cassie's birthday.  Bill and Dorothea journeyed all the way from Florida to celebrate with us.  This was Lacey's first, up close experience of an American birthday celebration.  So, just for a day, I took the girls out of school early.  And, just for a day, we forgot about homework and violin practice.  Gladis and Julio joined us for dinner, and we became a party of eight.  We made a taco bar in the kitchen, along with a lot of happy noise. 

Cassie and Gladis

10 Candles!



Bill, Cassie and Dorothea



Dorothea brought the girls a sewing machine!

Saturday afternoon, Dorothea, Cassie, Lacey and I went shopping.   Across the mall parking lot, we spied the vivid peaks of the big top.  Of course, I couldn't  resist the thrill of seeing the circus!!  Circling the exterior of the circus can be more exciting than the actual circus.  I wanted Lacey's first experience with the circus to be more than memorable.  So, . . .First, we stepped right up to the cages of tigers.  I insisted that what the girls were smelling was the clean cedar inside the cages. 

A white tiger

Then, we passed by the camels and horses.  We saw a little pony  escape and take off running across the circus compound.   We couldn't leave until we knew that the baby pony was safely back in his stable.  It turned out that the pony was lonesome for the bigger ponies, which were busy carrying paying customers on their backs.

We happened upon a couple of roustabouts who were taking a break to engage in a fistfight.  (Isn't "roustabout" a splendid word?  Tell me, when was the last time you got to say "roustabout?")  A bystander did his best to  convince Lacey that the men were just playing.

We were ecstatic when we crept up on an elephant rehearsal.  I will probably never be that close to an elephant in my life!  Ever!!  We heard the trainer yell, "Tails!" and the three elephants got in a line, clinging to each other's tails.  We saw the elephants slip into their costumes and watched a young woman hop on one of their backs.  So exciting!!  

Watching the Elephants

Sunday afternoon found us waiting in line, first at the ticket counter and then at the concession stand.  Lucky for us that I had scored two free children's passes because it cost us $20 for two snow cones and a soda.

We found our seats inside the tent and soaked in all the pre-circus atmosphere.  I decided that just for a day, I wouldn't worry about animal rights  and impoverished workers.  Just for a day, I would enjoy the sights and sounds of the circus through the eyes of my children.  We sat watching the busy three rings - one filled with the pony rides, one filled with camel rides, and one being readied for the tiger's act.  An announcer repeatedly told us that, for a small fee, we could have our photo taken with the pink poodles.  A guy selling popcorn for $5.00 a container did a marvelous job of balancing his tray on his head.  We watched in awe as the family seated in front of us spent close to $100 on souvenirs.  Struggling to take it all in, Lacey asked, "Is this how we watch the circus?"

The Pink Poodles

The national anthem was played and the LLAAADIES AND GENTLEMEN were invited to turn their attention to the tigers.  As the show began, I had to divide my attention between the tigers and Lacey's face.  Cassie applauded when the ringmaster announced that all the tigers had been born in captivity.  That meant that none of them had been viciously removed from their natural habitats.  As the tigers leapt through flaming rings of fire, Cassie crossed her arms and pointed out that this was "animal cruelty."  I pointed out the number of raw meat snacks each tiger was receiving.  Later, I was marveling over the synchronized actions of the men hoisting the swings and nets for the trapeze artists.  Cassie tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "Do you think those workers have opportunities for promotion within the circus?"  I was secretly thrilled with the level of moral development that my young kid has achieved.  But, I wanted to hold her and beg, "Please, just for a day be a child.  And, just for a day stop taking on adult concerns!"  

The tigers performing

Tuesday, I had to make an unscheduled trip to the school playground to retrieve Cassie's jacket which she had forgotten there on Monday.  She found the jacket, which was a soggy mess from the overnight storms.  I was slightly annoyed because this was my second unscheduled trip to school in as many weeks for the same reason.  I was even more annoyed later that evening when I discovered the muddy jacket on top of a pile of clean laundry.  But, I consoled myself with the realization that Cassie is 10 years old and, she apparently is going to be a kid for more than just a day.    

  

Double Digits

Today we celebrate Cassie's 10th birthday.  In true Cassie style, I've created a written tribute:

Asking, attempting, achieving, artistic . . .

Aunt!

Building, braving, balancing, beautiful . . .

Caring, celebrating, composing, creative. . . 

Cousin.

Dancing, daring, dreaming, delightful . . . 

 

Daughter.

Emerging, elaborating, enlightening, eclectic . . .

Feeling, forming, fulfilling, fresh and free-spirited. . . 

Growing, giving, guiding, graceful . . .

girl and . . .

                                                                                                granddaughter.

Hoping, helping, humbling, high-spirited. . .

Hermanita!

Inventing, inquiring, inspiring, incredible . .

 joining, joking, joyful . . .

KID!

Living, loving, laughing, lovable . . . 

Mine!!

Needing, negotiating, nurturing, necessary . . .  

Niece!

 Organizing, offering, occasionally overwhelming but often optimistic. . . 


Practicing, perceiving, perfecting, persistent . . .


Questioning, qualifying, quoting, quiet . . . 

 Reaching, rejoicing, reflecting, responsible . . . 

Sister!

Trying, testing, triumphing, truly . . .

Uttering, understanding, undertaking, unique

Violinist!

Waiting, wishing,wanting, wonderful . . .

EXamining, eXploring, eXpressing, exquisitely . . .



You!!!!!

Cassie age 4:
"Lemonade 25 cents a cup - The money is for poor babies."



Wonder

Several days ago, my students and I were discussing the meaning of the word, "wonder."  At first, the students wanted "wonder" to be a synonym for "ask."  We eventually decided that a better definition was "to ask oneself."


Well, this has been  a week filled with wonder.  Les was wondering what I would like for Mother's Day.  When I responded that I wanted time, energy and a clean house, his reply equated to "dream on."  I had my blood drawn this week and the doctor called wondering how I was able to stand up and walk around with such a low iron count.  I have been wondering the same thing! 


Thursday was a day filled with wonder.  4:30 in the afternoon found Les ordering pizza and me baking chocolate muffins to take to "Special Person's Night," with Cassie's class.  I was wondering how we were going to make it to school by 6:15.  Cassie was wondering what she was going to wear.  Les was wondering how we were going to keep Lacey quiet during the reading of 24 student essays.  Les and I were both wondering what we were going to do about the note from school that said Lacey had been moved to the quiet table in the cafeteria after refusing to stay seated during lunch.  Lacey was just wondering what all the fuss was about. 

Well, in case you're wondering, we made it to school on time.  The students in Cassie's class had each written an essay about a special person in their lives.  Families gathered in the cafeteria to listen to the nervous students read.  Cassie's essay was so wonderfully perceptive and thoughtful that I am going to share the entire thing.

     "A Teacher and A Mom

by Cassidy Minihan

"My mom means a lot to me.  She is kind and loves helping people around her.  She's always there when I need her.  So far my mom may not sound that different from other moms, but there are a lot of things that make her unique and special.

"My mom's a teacher, but she isn't just any teacher.  Some teachers teach elementary, some teach middle, and some teach high school or college.  My mom teaches high school which is not that special because a lot of people have that job also.   What makes her special is that she doesn't teach a grade, she teaches ESL, English as a Second Language.  When people from places around the world come to the US and they go to Arlington, they usually end up at my mom's school, Arlington Mill.  Her students range from about 18-40 years of age.  She has a range of people from gang members to maids.  Her students come from all over the world, South America to Asia.  All of her students adore her.  She teaches them English.   Every day stories of her students make their way home for my family to hear.  Many of her students are poor and work fulltime just skimming by.  But, a lot remain in school, working hard because of her.  Many say to her, "I came here looking for opportunities and that's what I am getting from you, an opportunity.'

"My mom not only offers opportunities to her students, she offers them to me too.  My mom makes sure I venture out and try new things.  When I wanted to play the violin she encouraged me to do so.  When jazz and tap were invinting, she consented eagerly.  She helps me with my homework and teaches me the little things that aren't needed but she wants me to learn.  She makes sure that my decimal points are big enough and my whole numbers look that way in a mixed number.  My mom asks about school and makes sure to go to Back to School Nights.  When we were adopting, she made sure I went along.  She's like a super hero and I'm the kid on the street watching her.  She's not only a teacher to her students, she's a teacher to me.

"My mom makes sure she's always there waiting for me and if she isn't going to be she tells me.  She meets the bus always with a big smile on her face.  She makes dinner and lets my little sister and me help.  Even if it's a frozen meal, she makes it fancier by putting it on regular plates.  She almost always takes me to ballet and does her errands during my class so we can get home when I'm done.  My mom makes sure she always takes me to violin even if she's tired.  She goes to all my tie-kwon-do graduations and is happy for me in the end.  I don't know how she always keeps that smile on her face, but she does.

"Even when I make her upset, she always stays patient.  When I won't listen she tries and tries again.  Eventually she gets through to me.  During violin practice she teaches me note after note until I know the song.  She's like a calming yellow flower.  Even if she's angry, she still acts fine.  When my mom had a big kidney surgery, she was quickly up and running again so that she could take care of her family.  She made sure she could continue teaching my sister and me as soon as possible.

"My mom wears bright colors, unique jewelry and has a style that only certain people have.  She has a sparkling personality, a twinkling imagination, and a sense of humor that makes her students adore her.  All of these things make my mom who she is and I love her for it."

What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful kid?!

Cassie graduating to a blue belt.

Half inch plywood

Cassie reading her essay.



Cousins



A Mother's Day treat - a visit with Dillon

Spring Surprise

The day that Cassie has long been anticipating has finally arrived.  The Minihan Clan has a new member.  Please join us in welcoming, "Baby Fox!"  The littlest fox accompanied its mother to our backyard buffet for the first time on May 3, 2011.  

Mother Fox and Baby

The Littlest Fox

Reflections

Friday, my students were practicing using the verbs "need" and "want." To encourage them to extend their discussion, I introduced them to the word "reflection."  Yes, a reflection can be physical - the thing that we see when we look in a mirror.  But, there is also  self reflection, which is when we examine our thoughts, feelings and behavior.  I got the discussion rolling by asking my students to think about what they wanted when they were planning to move to the U.S.  I continued asking them what they needed when they got here and what they want now.  We ended by discussing whether their needs and wants have changed.  The students concluded that education is more valuable than the latest MP3 player.  They also decided that self-reflection is a valuable process.

Later, as I was driving home and struggling to stay awake, I groaned with the knowledge of what the evening held.   Friday was the annual Mother-Daughter Tea Party at our church.  Although this is always a highlight of our Spring, I really wasn't feeling up to it this time.  Physically, I was feeling the impact of my 4:30 a.m. wake-up.  Emotionally, I was feeling the burden of some of the problems my students present - mainly the need for work - and angst over the minimal help that I can provide.  Maybe the girls would just be happy with pizza and a movie tonight?

Well, after convincing my students of the value of reflecting, maybe I better take my own advice.  I let my mind wander back to the days when I had no children.  Whenever the Mother-Daughter Tea was announced, I would sit in church and cry.  For Cassie's first Christmas, I bought her a dress to wear to the tea party.  It was pale blue and hand-smocked, and she got it dirty because she rolled around the floor under the table during the party.  But, "Mother and Daughter," we were there!  The following year, both Gladis and Cassie attended the tea with me.  Cassie spilled juice all over the table that year!  Ah, yes, many happy memories.  I sighed as I pulled into the Kohl's parking lot and ran through the store in search of a slip to wear with my dress.  The bus arrives in 20 minutes, will I make it?

The girls got off the bus chatting about what they were going to wear and I had to force a smile on my face.  They wanted to make sandwiches for the party as soon as we got home, although I just wanted to sit and put my feet up for awhile.  So, we six-handed the sandwiches, tasting as we went.  We texted Gladis to make sure she knew what time to meet us.  We hastily painted Cassie's nails and then flipped wildly through her closet as she changed her mind yet again about which dress to wear.  We laughed when Lacey came downstairs wearing a sun dress, thick tights and boots and a winter jacket.  And, we were finally ready to go.

This year, my girls and I took up almost a whole table by ourselves.  And, I reflected on how blessed I really am. 

Best Friends and Brothers

Cassie has recently become painfully aware of the need to have a best friend.  She has asked me several times who my best friends were when I was a child.  Every time she asks me, I risk sounding like a total nerd to my nine-year old and respond that my brothers and sisters were always my best friends.  Cassie huffs and says, "Come on, Mom.  You had to have some real best friends!"  Last summer, we spent time with Aunts Mary Lee and Susan and Cassie started to understand how sisters can be best friends.  

We were fortunate to spend five days with Uncle Dave.  He did everything that an uncle is supposed to do and more.  He let table manners fly out the window, along with the kite that he bought the girls.  He took the girls kite flying, even though the wind was strong enough to knock him over.  Dave resurrected tales of some of our greatest childhood exploits.  He even took Cassie to the scene of some of our sledding triumphs. 



Trying to launch the kite



Run over there and get it.  The cactus will only hurt a little.

Forever Photogenic

Smile!

Trying again with the kite

Testing the wind

Uncle Dave, are you sure those are the right rules?

 

One morning, Cassie got out of bed at 6:00 a.m. to walk up to the top of the mesa with Dave and me.  It was a tough climb and the altitude was affecting all of us.  Dave distracted Cassie with stories of winter sledding.  He first told her how we used to celebrate a fresh snowfall by taking our sleds out around 10:00 at night.  Our reasoning was that we could sled freely, without having to worry about traffic.  If conditions were right, we could sail from the top of the hill, all the way down past the church.  This is about 1/2 mile.     Of course, this didn't always work.  We were occasionally interrupted by cars.  When that happened, we had to fling ourselves off the road into the nearest yard, as fast as we could.  

Dave also showed Cassie where he and his buddy used to ride a toboggan.  He explained that they would try to make it all the way down the hill and then jump across the road at the bottom of the hill.  Dave chuckled as he recalled how the toboggan one day shattered into pieces.  "So where were your parents?!" asked Cassie.  I'm sure you're probably thinking the same thing.  Well, it's not as though we said, "Hey, Mom and Dad. We realize that it's dark outside.  But, we're going to try sledding down the middle of the road and hope that we don't get run over.  Is that okay?"  Similarly, Dave never said, "Mom, can you give me a ride to my friend's house?  We're going to try to ride his toboggan through a cactus covered field and then vault across the road.  Sound good?"  Honestly, I don't know what we told our parents.  So, like a couple of idiots, we just assured Cassie that things were safer back then.

Thank you, Dave, for not telling the girls about how we made wine in the basement, or about how we used to hide in the creek and throw snowballs at cars!

It wouldn't surprise me at all if the girls were to start asking for a brother!

An early morning walk

Dave explaining the flight of the toboggan

Seriously - we made it all the way across the road!



No, you can't have a brother!