July 6, 2010

July 6, 2010:  The Meeting

Today we celebrate two cherished lives.  First, we remember and honor Betsy’s Dad, whose funeral service will be held today.  Then, we celebrate the child that God has entrusted to us.

The meeting with Lacey could not have been any more beautiful.  Shanghai is in the midst of the monsoon season.  But, the rain cleared just as all the families boarded the bus to ride to the Shanghai Children’s Welfare Institute, a.k.a. “the orphanage.”  A guard admitted us and we walked to the administration building.  We were early so we were permitted to wander a short distance outside and photograph the buildings and grounds.  The institute consists of the orphanage and a rehabilitative hospital for children.  According to the map, there are numerous gardens and play areas, and a mini golf course.  Our entire visit took place in the conference room and we did not see any children other than the ones being adopted.

Around 10 a.m. we were instructed to enter the conference room to begin paperwork.  We were required to sign temporary custodial agreements.  We also gave our donations to the orphanage and designated how we wanted the money divided between the children and the staff members.  We had barely begun the papers when caregivers arrived with the first two children, a 9-year old boy and a 5-year old girl.    A couple minutes later, there was a knock on the back door of the conference room and another caregiver arrived with Lacey and a 3-year old boy.  Of course, all paperwork was forgotten.  Cassie went to greet Lacey and introduced herself in Chinese as the big sister.  Cassie later chastised me for not letting her be the first to hug Lacey.  (I had made a “pinkie promise.)  But, of course, we were all lost in the moment.  Lacey was very shy at first.  Several more caregivers appeared, and were later followed by the director and deputy director of the orphanage.  All the staff members were wonderfully supportive.  They smiled the entire time, although they must have been feeling some loss.  They encouraged the children to interact and kept pointing out family members as Momma, Daddy, Big Sister, etc.  Lacey immediately loved the stuffed cat that Cassie has been saving for three years.  She has scarcely put it down since.  She also loves to color.  She was very focused on a coloring book and stickers throughout the duration of our time at the orphanage.

Each family was presented with a gift bag from the directors.  With an interpreter, the deputy director explained the contents to us.  The family photos that we had sent were there, along with an outfit that we had purchased.  The orphanage presented Lacey with a beautiful photo album.  It includes the first photo taken of her when she arrived at the orphanage, and many photos taken in and around the orphanage.  The photos are beautiful and must have been taken professionally.  There is a carved wooden name stamp with her Chinese name, “He Hai Dan,” and a porcelain ink pot.  There is also a jade pendant of a monkey.  Lacey was born in 2004, which is the year of the monkey.  Finally, there is a Dvd about the orphanage, to inform us and to help Lacey remember.

We spent about two hours at the orphanage, getting to know the children and establishing their comfort.  Then, everyone sensed that it was time to say goodbye.  Toys were put away and each family posed for a photo with the orphanage directors.  We boarded a bus, waved goodbye and headed to a Chinese restaurant for lunch.

What we have learned about Lacey so far is that she was in a foster home from age 15 months until about a month ago.  She lived outside the city, in a house, with foster parents and an older brother.  In April, her foster mother died.  Lacey was brought back to the orphanage to prepare her for adoption. The director thinks it is easier for children to say goodbye to an institution than to foster parents.  Through an interpreter, Lacey told us that she has known about the adoption for about 3 months.  If this is true, she has known about it since we received our preliminary referral.  She said she also knew that she would have her own bedroom.  That made us chuckle because we think that staff members must use things like this to entice the children.  Lacey finished Chinese kindergarten but we’re not really sure what that entailed.  She loves to color and brought a stack of drawings with her.  She focuses on the color book for long periods of time.  She is shy at first but already has begun to test us a little.  She put her feet on the table at dinner last night!  Cassie has been responding to Lacey instinctively and directly for her heart.  We understand that Lacey’s first bonding might be with Cassie and that is fine.  We are still calling Lacey by her Chinese name and will discuss this with her when she is more comfortable. 

Today we will go downtown to begin the formal registration of the adoption.