A few days ago, Lacey brought me an essay that she wrote at school. The topic was, "A Special Person, and she wrote about me." I've read that essay about 50 times already. I plan to read it again, every time I get frustrated by the pile of shoes left in the hallway, the backpacks that I fall over, and the smelly gym bags that don't get unpacked. I have re-typed Lacey's essay below. I am sharing it just as she wrote it.
"My mom is my special person because she takes care of my and adopted me. My mom was born on September 22 in Colorado she lived on a farm that had horse, chicken, dogs and cats.
She will help me with my homework and tell if there is problem on my math or school thing. She will help me with math, reading, science. I was born in china so that is the reason I need help in reading.
I was adopted and came the USA when I was six. My mom tried to not me cry. She is a helpful person and kind she is the kindest mom when she is not mad at you.
When I am in trouble my mom tried to make me stop crying. She also tried to finger it out.
She is also my only mom in the world. My mom is the best of all in the world. She also spend time with me.
THE END:)"
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Happy 14th Cassie!
Today is Cassie's 14th birthday. I was reflecting on the past year and trying to decide what I wanted to highlight for her birthday. I decided that I will always remember this year as "the year of auditions." The school-year began with the deadline for high school applications looming. Cassie knew that she wanted to apply to the fine art's program. I believe that she could have qualified for music, dance, visual arts and writing. But, the students can only apply in one discipline. So, although she had spent last summer creating paintings and working on her art portfolio, she decided to apply to the writing program. That meant evening and weekend writing seminars, poetry writing workshops, and late nights spent writing stories. In February, she was accepted into the creative writing program.
At the same time, Cassie has decided to intensify her ballet studies. She recently auditioned and was accepted into a studio that has a pre-professional program.
During the past year there were multiple violin auditions. For the second year, Cassie was selected to perform in the all-county orchestra. In April, she also performed before two distinct panels of judges as a soloist. Just last week she had a "move up" audition for the county's youth orchestra, to try to move to a more advanced group.
All of this involves a lot of driving and waiting on the part of the parents. But, it is also very rewarding, especially when Cassie thanks me for helping make her dreams come true. In celebration of Cassie's birthday, I'm sharing a video that I made with the app "One Second Every Day." I have been capturing her violin rehearsals for the past several months. In the video you can see her practicing at home, playing with her instructor, warming up, and playing with her school orchestra. There's one snippet where she's playing a solo with the orchestra on stage that is a little hard to hear. The final second shows her warming up at her most recent audition.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Home Alone Revisited
Last week, the girls and I were on Spring Break. But, on Monday morning, I had to go back to work. The girls had one more day off and they were home alone. As I sat at my desk, I was reflecting on the lovely week that I had spent with the kids and the memories that we had created. The events that occurred the last time they were home alone never entered my mind. That was the day the washer overflowed and they tried to use the turkey baster to clean it up. (http://minihanadoption.blogspot.com/2014/12/home-alone-sequel.html)
Suddenly, my phone rang. It was Cassie. I knew it was her by the wonderful ring tone that she had created last week. It goes something like this, "Mom, pick up the phone! Mom, pick up the phone!" I could hear Lacey yelling in the background and I was getting ready to tell them to call me back when they had stopped arguing.
Cassie explain that she had just been over to a neighbor's trying to find someone who was home who might be able to help them decide if they needed to call the fire department. Maybe being 20 miles from home helped keep me from overreacting because I didn't scream WHAAAAAATT?????
As Lacey yelled that "it" was smoking again, I was finally able to interrupt Cassie. She explained that water was dripping from the fish tank into an electrical outlet that's in the floor, causing the outlet to "pop, hiss and smoke."
I immediately knew the source of the problem and figured that I could solve this via long distance. One of our cats had discovered that the open space at the top of the fish tank was just big enough for his paw. I had actually witnessed him stick his paw in, grab a fish, and flip it across the room into a pile of Christmas gifts. Lucky for the fish I was there to grab it and toss it back into the tank. Since that incident, I had tried covering the open space with packing tape. But, the cat could still see the fish and kept climbing on top of the tank. My current solution had been to fool the cat by laying a dish towel over the top of the tank. I told the girls that the towel had probably gotten wet and was dripping onto the floor. I didn't think the tank was leaking.
The girls removed the towel but hollered that the outlet was still smoking and popping. They claimed the popping could be heard all the way in the basement. I asked where the outlet cover was. Of course, they couldn't find the plate. I suggested they place something else over the plate. Cassie replied that she didn't want Lacey to get hurt.
I then began to wonder if I needed to be more proactive. I told the girls to hang up to let me call a non-emergency number for the fire department. I called and tried to explain that I didn't think I had an emergency but that my kids were home alone and I wondered if they could get some kind of non-emergency help. I really didn't want a fleet of rescue vehicles descending on the house. Before I could relay all this information, the friendly guy who answered the phone needed to determine which firehouse was closest to our home. He couldn't decide and told me to just call 911 and have a fire truck dispatched.
So, I hung up and dialed 911. I got a recording that stated I had reached the Arlington Fire Department. Oh, right. This needed to be a local call. I hung up and called the girls. Now, at this point, I had really started to doubt my parenting skills. Were my kids at risk? Was I being negligent? Then, the little light bulb in my head went off.
"Listen," I told Cassie. "Daddy's new office is only a few miles away. Call him and see if he can come home. If he says he can't or you can't reach him or it will take him more than 10 minutes, call 911. Then, let the cats out and stay outside until Daddy gets home. Let me know what's going on."
I figured I had added just the right amount of motherly advice. Then, I sat and waited. They texted that Les had arrived. Then, I didn't hear anything. About 30 minutes later I called Les and got his voicemail. I called home. Lacey answered.
"How's everything?" I asked.
"Fine," she said.
"What did Daddy say?" I prompted. I was really expecting some kind of explanation. You know, I thought Les would have said there was no problem or that they shouldn't worry because he had fixed it.
"He said, 'good job girls,'" Lacey answered.
"Oh, well then," I said, "Yes, good job."
Later, I got the full explanation from Les. Cassie had told him if he wasn't there in 10 minutes she was calling 911. So, he hurried. When he pulled up, he found the cats squished inside a cat carrier, with Lacey seated on top for good measure. Cassie was practicing dance steps on the lawn. Les secured the electrical plate with duct tape and all was well. The girls really did a great job. And, hopefully all will stay well until the next time the girls are home alone.
Suddenly, my phone rang. It was Cassie. I knew it was her by the wonderful ring tone that she had created last week. It goes something like this, "Mom, pick up the phone! Mom, pick up the phone!" I could hear Lacey yelling in the background and I was getting ready to tell them to call me back when they had stopped arguing.
Cassie explain that she had just been over to a neighbor's trying to find someone who was home who might be able to help them decide if they needed to call the fire department. Maybe being 20 miles from home helped keep me from overreacting because I didn't scream WHAAAAAATT?????
As Lacey yelled that "it" was smoking again, I was finally able to interrupt Cassie. She explained that water was dripping from the fish tank into an electrical outlet that's in the floor, causing the outlet to "pop, hiss and smoke."
I immediately knew the source of the problem and figured that I could solve this via long distance. One of our cats had discovered that the open space at the top of the fish tank was just big enough for his paw. I had actually witnessed him stick his paw in, grab a fish, and flip it across the room into a pile of Christmas gifts. Lucky for the fish I was there to grab it and toss it back into the tank. Since that incident, I had tried covering the open space with packing tape. But, the cat could still see the fish and kept climbing on top of the tank. My current solution had been to fool the cat by laying a dish towel over the top of the tank. I told the girls that the towel had probably gotten wet and was dripping onto the floor. I didn't think the tank was leaking.
The girls removed the towel but hollered that the outlet was still smoking and popping. They claimed the popping could be heard all the way in the basement. I asked where the outlet cover was. Of course, they couldn't find the plate. I suggested they place something else over the plate. Cassie replied that she didn't want Lacey to get hurt.
I then began to wonder if I needed to be more proactive. I told the girls to hang up to let me call a non-emergency number for the fire department. I called and tried to explain that I didn't think I had an emergency but that my kids were home alone and I wondered if they could get some kind of non-emergency help. I really didn't want a fleet of rescue vehicles descending on the house. Before I could relay all this information, the friendly guy who answered the phone needed to determine which firehouse was closest to our home. He couldn't decide and told me to just call 911 and have a fire truck dispatched.
So, I hung up and dialed 911. I got a recording that stated I had reached the Arlington Fire Department. Oh, right. This needed to be a local call. I hung up and called the girls. Now, at this point, I had really started to doubt my parenting skills. Were my kids at risk? Was I being negligent? Then, the little light bulb in my head went off.
"Listen," I told Cassie. "Daddy's new office is only a few miles away. Call him and see if he can come home. If he says he can't or you can't reach him or it will take him more than 10 minutes, call 911. Then, let the cats out and stay outside until Daddy gets home. Let me know what's going on."
I figured I had added just the right amount of motherly advice. Then, I sat and waited. They texted that Les had arrived. Then, I didn't hear anything. About 30 minutes later I called Les and got his voicemail. I called home. Lacey answered.
"How's everything?" I asked.
"Fine," she said.
"What did Daddy say?" I prompted. I was really expecting some kind of explanation. You know, I thought Les would have said there was no problem or that they shouldn't worry because he had fixed it.
"He said, 'good job girls,'" Lacey answered.
"Oh, well then," I said, "Yes, good job."
Later, I got the full explanation from Les. Cassie had told him if he wasn't there in 10 minutes she was calling 911. So, he hurried. When he pulled up, he found the cats squished inside a cat carrier, with Lacey seated on top for good measure. Cassie was practicing dance steps on the lawn. Les secured the electrical plate with duct tape and all was well. The girls really did a great job. And, hopefully all will stay well until the next time the girls are home alone.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Parenting
Before Cassie was born, I read volume after volume of modern parenting books. Having been raised in a strong family, I knew that I had a fairly solid feel for what parenting involved. But, I wanted to be as prepared as possible. After Cassie was born, I continued to consume parenting literature. I read about exactly what to expect developmentally and kept track of each milestone that she met in my "mother's journal." I was prepared for each potential crisis - teething, whooping cough, ear infections, sleeping problems, colic. I was prepared for every conceivable malady except the one that actually hit - food allergies. That might have been the point at which I was first tempted to lose faith in all the parenting literature. But, I read on.
As Cassie became a toddler, I subscribed to all the best parenting periodicals. I was going to be prepared to host the best play dates, throw the best birthday parties, and pack the best school lunches. One evening, when Cassie was 3, we were having dinner with friends who also had a young child. Our friend remarked that if I had read the latest edition of such and such parenting magazine, I would have known that what Les had just said to Cassie was on the "Top 10 List of Things Parents Should Never Say to Children." I don't really need to write that the evening ended abruptly. But, that also marked the end of my romance with parenting doctrine.
I've come to realize that parenting is common sense and open mindedness. As a parent, I've got to be willing to respond to new situations and learn from them. For example, the other morning a pencil that someone had left in the middle of the family room floor became embedded in the bottom of my foot when I accidentally stepped on it. I challenge you to find a parenting journal that gives an appropriate response to a situation like that!
Over the past few years, I have limited myself to reading current articles about kids and technology. These articles tend to emphasize the negative impact of too many cell phone and tablet hours. I've been learning that, in a family setting, technology can be leveraged for positive outcomes. Two weeks ago, Cassie was in the all-county orchestra. On Saturday, the students were bussed from the middle school to the rehearsal site, which was an hour's drive from here. Five minutes after I returned from dropping off Cassie, I saw the sash from her orchestra uniform on the floor in the front hallway. Ah, geez, it must have fallen out of her backpack in our rush to catch the 6:45 a.m. bus that didn't arrive until 7:30. What's a mother to do? I had visions of Cassie sobbing when she went to change for the concert and realized that a critical piece of her outfit was missing. I scratched my head and thought about what my mother would have done, absent modern means of communication. My Mom was such a saint that she probably would have revved up the old station wagon and intercepted the bus before it reached the school. But, yoga class was calling. So, I texted Cassie that I had the sash and that we would arrive well in advance of the concert in order to deliver it. Thank goodness for cell phones. Mine enabled me to learn that Cassie read the text immediately but waited about 4 hours to respond.
Well, Cassie's concert was stunning. But, the celebratory dinner that we had on the way home apparently didn't agree with Lacey. About 12:10 a.m., my phone started chirping. Because all my parenting books had taught me to be a light sleeper, I grabbed it before Les could regain consciousness and grumble about me texting with my sisters in the middle of the night. It was a text from Lacey reading, "I feel like Thuing up."
I texted back, "Thank you, my Brilliant Child, for not suddenly materializing in our room in the middle of the night and scaring the crap out of us!" Well, not really. I thought time was of the essence so I actually responded, "Please go to the bathroom."
Was this not a brilliant use of technology on Lacey's part? Gone are the days when the offspring urps on top of Mom and Dad in the wee hours of the night. Take that, all you naysayers of technology.
I will confess that prior to adopting Lacey I did read extensively. This time, I read all the books about adoption. While much of the literature was useful, a lot of it was outright frightening. I once again became over prepared, alert for any sign of maladjustment, PTSD, and attachment disorder. Then, one day I realized that none of the books I've read ever told me to just sit back and enjoy my kids. Somewhere, amidst all the cajoling and pushing, it's good to just enjoy the moments we have.
Last week, Lacey was struggling to complete spelling homework. "What's an antonym for library?" she asked.
Before I could grumble about the idiocy of teachers requiring students to write antonyms to words that may not have antonyms, Cassie walked by. "Apple Store," she yelled, "Apple Store is the antonym for library."
Bravo, Cassie!
After more than four years of prodding, Cassie has finally convinced Lacey to play the violin. Their conversation went something like this.
"I want to play one that lets me sit," Lacey explained.
"Well, that's everything except the string bass," Cassie responded.
"Then, which one has the least number of strings?" Lacey asked.
Here's one final anecdote that's sure not to be included in any adoption book. A couple days ago the girls were chatting over dinner.
"What if I was a twin?" Lacey asked.
"Then my life would be miserable," Cassie answered.
"Well, what if you were a twin?" Lacey continued.
Cassie squinted at Lacey momentarily, trying to determine if she was serious. "Then, you wouldn't be here!" she finally shot back.
As Cassie became a toddler, I subscribed to all the best parenting periodicals. I was going to be prepared to host the best play dates, throw the best birthday parties, and pack the best school lunches. One evening, when Cassie was 3, we were having dinner with friends who also had a young child. Our friend remarked that if I had read the latest edition of such and such parenting magazine, I would have known that what Les had just said to Cassie was on the "Top 10 List of Things Parents Should Never Say to Children." I don't really need to write that the evening ended abruptly. But, that also marked the end of my romance with parenting doctrine.
I've come to realize that parenting is common sense and open mindedness. As a parent, I've got to be willing to respond to new situations and learn from them. For example, the other morning a pencil that someone had left in the middle of the family room floor became embedded in the bottom of my foot when I accidentally stepped on it. I challenge you to find a parenting journal that gives an appropriate response to a situation like that!
Over the past few years, I have limited myself to reading current articles about kids and technology. These articles tend to emphasize the negative impact of too many cell phone and tablet hours. I've been learning that, in a family setting, technology can be leveraged for positive outcomes. Two weeks ago, Cassie was in the all-county orchestra. On Saturday, the students were bussed from the middle school to the rehearsal site, which was an hour's drive from here. Five minutes after I returned from dropping off Cassie, I saw the sash from her orchestra uniform on the floor in the front hallway. Ah, geez, it must have fallen out of her backpack in our rush to catch the 6:45 a.m. bus that didn't arrive until 7:30. What's a mother to do? I had visions of Cassie sobbing when she went to change for the concert and realized that a critical piece of her outfit was missing. I scratched my head and thought about what my mother would have done, absent modern means of communication. My Mom was such a saint that she probably would have revved up the old station wagon and intercepted the bus before it reached the school. But, yoga class was calling. So, I texted Cassie that I had the sash and that we would arrive well in advance of the concert in order to deliver it. Thank goodness for cell phones. Mine enabled me to learn that Cassie read the text immediately but waited about 4 hours to respond.
Well, Cassie's concert was stunning. But, the celebratory dinner that we had on the way home apparently didn't agree with Lacey. About 12:10 a.m., my phone started chirping. Because all my parenting books had taught me to be a light sleeper, I grabbed it before Les could regain consciousness and grumble about me texting with my sisters in the middle of the night. It was a text from Lacey reading, "I feel like Thuing up."
I texted back, "Thank you, my Brilliant Child, for not suddenly materializing in our room in the middle of the night and scaring the crap out of us!" Well, not really. I thought time was of the essence so I actually responded, "Please go to the bathroom."
Was this not a brilliant use of technology on Lacey's part? Gone are the days when the offspring urps on top of Mom and Dad in the wee hours of the night. Take that, all you naysayers of technology.
I will confess that prior to adopting Lacey I did read extensively. This time, I read all the books about adoption. While much of the literature was useful, a lot of it was outright frightening. I once again became over prepared, alert for any sign of maladjustment, PTSD, and attachment disorder. Then, one day I realized that none of the books I've read ever told me to just sit back and enjoy my kids. Somewhere, amidst all the cajoling and pushing, it's good to just enjoy the moments we have.
Last week, Lacey was struggling to complete spelling homework. "What's an antonym for library?" she asked.
Before I could grumble about the idiocy of teachers requiring students to write antonyms to words that may not have antonyms, Cassie walked by. "Apple Store," she yelled, "Apple Store is the antonym for library."
Bravo, Cassie!
After more than four years of prodding, Cassie has finally convinced Lacey to play the violin. Their conversation went something like this.
"I want to play one that lets me sit," Lacey explained.
"Well, that's everything except the string bass," Cassie responded.
"Then, which one has the least number of strings?" Lacey asked.
Here's one final anecdote that's sure not to be included in any adoption book. A couple days ago the girls were chatting over dinner.
"What if I was a twin?" Lacey asked.
"Then my life would be miserable," Cassie answered.
"Well, what if you were a twin?" Lacey continued.
Cassie squinted at Lacey momentarily, trying to determine if she was serious. "Then, you wouldn't be here!" she finally shot back.
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